I’m a little over a week into this Deathmobile 2010 tour (I didn’t actually name the thing, but I should have. I’m pretty sure there was smoke coming out of my hood this afternoon.), and I find myself in Palmdale, California, land of my elementary school years. I was thinking it’d be a nostalgic sort of thing, but the more I look around, the less excited I am about being in the place. No offense, Palmdale, but you used to be a lot cooler when I grew up here. Nevertheless, I’m excited to see my boys in Sovereign Strength tomorrow, and so thankful to Heart Attack Booking for helping me with a show at Cedar Center.
I came on this tour alone so that I could write my next album. I’ve written maybe one thing that I like thus far, and frankly, I’m discouraged. Every time I try, I come up with nothing, but I’m determined, and I know the Lord will provide. I’d love for this album to be characterized by more joy than the last, although I already know that a few of the pieces will be darker than anything I’ve written in the past. I’m excited for both, and I’m excited to work on it with my friends.
There are huge things coming up in my life in the near future. It’ll all be revealed in due time, but I’m excited and nervous and huge clustercuss of emotions all at the same time. I thank God for his kindness. Last night, he proved his provision over me in ways that I can’t even explain, in ways that I could never have possibly asked for, and he continues to draw people into himself through what I’m doing. This is not a prideful statement – it’s not an issue of me taking responsibility for what he’s doing. I know that this project is the Lord at work because I never would have asked for this, and I told him in the beginning that I would faithfully pursue it until and through its growth, or until he ran it straight into the ground. The latter hasn’t happened, and he continues to reveal himself in love and kindness and compassion and joy. Last night, a kid named Ben got saved at the show in Santa Clarita. If this entire tour had fallen through lest that one date, it would have all been worth it to see the glory of Christ and the forgiveness of sin and the promise of salvation revealed in Ben’s life, and I thank the Spirit for lovingly revealing himself.
I’ve been reading and studying a lot. It’s funny, I’ll get to the end of a day off and try to remember the last time I opened my mouth to speak, and it’ll have been the day before. It’s a good feeling. I’ve been reading my Bible and going through a series on 1st Corinthians called “Christians Gone Wild”. I’m studying Image Doctrine and learning more about what it means to be made in the image and likeness of Christ, and what it is to build up your identity in him. And, of course, I’m reading Stephen King’s “Under The Dome” – because SK is a BA.
I’m doing this year-long Bible reading plan, and I’m going through Job right now, as well as a couple of other books. One of the coolest things about my severe, annoying case of writer’s block, is that I’ve been forced to seek out beautiful things elsewhere for inspiration. Job is beautiful. It’s heart-wrenching and crazy, and yes, frankly, I just get pissed when I read it sometimes because I get sick of reading about how all of his friends think they’ve got everything figured out. But aside from content – the way it is written – the imagery, the sarcastic, rhetorical questioning – even from God – maybe especially from God – the fear and the beauty and the weakness and the discontent and the anguish and the joy and the despair and the hope and the forbearance and the doubts and the questions and the misunderstandings and the word pictures that the speakers use to express it all… it’s genius. It has caused me to see the Bible differently. I hope that it spills over into my life, and my art, and comes through my mouth out of the overflow of my heart.
I have a lot more that I could say, but I’m very long-winded, so that will be all for now.