Will

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Today's Freeverse Friday (#ltpFVFis a piece I wrote in high school. I actually recited this for my senior presentation, with Christmas tree lights wrapped around my head because... well, I don't know why. My mom loved it, though, and I found it the other day, so in honor of yesterday's post, enjoy:

if I die tonight I want the world to know I died with a smile. and I could very well die. thats the beauty of living, I think, or part of it. life is a beautiful mystery, the best of films, composed of the best and most ingenious stories ever conceived, played out by the most talented of actors and actresses who know how to act out their stories flawlessly. who know how to laugh, cry, memorize every part of the script, make it their own, improvise. life is the perfect relational/search/indie film. its for everyone, all ages, because regardless of its x rating its an experience everyone can recon with. its the quest, the adventure, the treasure hunt. its the emotion, the frailty, the loss; its the emotion, the courage, the gain. its the immortality of youth, the aging into adulthood. its the ideas, the decisions, the actions, the cause, the effect, the impact.

if I die tonight I want you to know I went out with joy in my heart. I want you to know that I found the answer to the human condition, to the struggle of humanity, to the emptiness inside our souls. I found the answer to our wish upon a star. I found our dream come true.

or maybe he found me.

life is the perfect poem. filled with hopelessness and regret, drama and climax, insufficiency and remorse. its got struggle and conflict. its got forgiveness and reconciliation.

and one could make it into a film about anything. countless Shakespearean love stories with tragic ends or happily-ever-afters. inspirational Golden Globe or Sundance Film Festival winners about the human search, about meaning in life, about the rode trips, the ocean, the nighttime, the downtown city lights and walks and the people you meet and the conclusions you draw.

life's got the love flicks, the celebrity tapes, the strip clubs, HBO. the parties you've been to and the drugs you've done and the people you've taken advantage of and the mistakes you've made. life's earned its not-appropriate-for-anyone rating.

and life's got its ending. and thats where the real mystery comes in because how is the writer going to end the poem? how is the director going to wrap up the film? how is the actor going to come to a conclusion?

we build up to this climactic goodbye, sometimes never knowing or understanding what our own film was about. we've spent the length of the movie searching for this: what movie will I be a part of when the credits roll on this one? when the tape ends and the television screens fades to static will I be have made the best film possible?  or will it be a movie summed up to hopelessness and mistakes and struggle for meaning that I never find: the kind of movie that people give a c rating and sum up as mediocre and have no desire to see a second time because they found themselves more lost and confused by the end than they were in the beginning?

if I die tonight I want you to know that my movie ended with such a climax that the angels rejoiced when they saw the heaven I'd be a part of next. I want you to know that my quest for life never ended in my death, but in Life more abundantly. I want you to know that I found the answer to my frailty.

or, he found me.


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