Ten Obnoxious Things That My Wife Does To Me

Day Day No. 22 of the 2015 Ten Ideas A Day Challenge.

Mawwage. 
Mawwage is what bwings us togeva today. 
Mawwage, that bwessed awwangement 
that dweam wivin a dweam. 

- The Princess Bride

  1. Whines about how I never let her pick my blackheads and then destroys my nose and then complains about why I never want her to do that. 
  2. Wraps her legs around me in the pool... and pees. 
  3. Methane cuddles (farts of death beneath the covers). 
  4. Asks me more questions than anyone I've ever met in my life. 
  5. Enjoys talking about poop and periods more than almost anything else. 
  6. Makes me wax her armpits. 
  7. Sings The Newboys' "God's Not Dead" song over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. 
  8. Talks in a "kitten voice" more than a real-life human voice (her and her sisters decided that their cats have languages when they were little girls, complete with backstories and previous lives). 
  9. "Bring me a glass of water. Bring me my chapstick. Where is my blanky? Where is Gilbert?" Every. Single. Night.
  10. Turns on every single light in the house and leaves all of the water faucets running and tells me it's cold so turn up the heater that is already up and turn on the fireplace and where is Gilbert?

I love my B. 

Levi The PoetComment